Tag Archives: partner

Are You Being Disrespected By Your Mate?

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There is a trap that many of us fall into because for the most part girls are socialized to be sweet, accommodating, passive, well-mannered etc. When we grow up and get into relationships, many of us don’t really know what to do in response to disrespect.

It’s a little like we’re frozen. Shocked. Disappointed. Now What? Well, there is a % of women who will not put up with any form of disrespect in their relationships. One incident and they bail. Probably a good idea.

But then there is the rest of us – who either get temporarily outraged or upset, but like a bitter pill – we swallow it and move on. This is NOT a good idea.

No matter how many partners you may meet in your lifetime, there should always be at least one requirement – that you are treated with respect from day one until the end.

Look for areas of respect when…

1. You are intimate. He should respect your likes and dislikes.

2.You are talking to each other. He shouldn’t speak to you like an angry dad or like you’re an idiot.

3. You are arguing. Even in the heat of battle, you shouldn’t be disrespected. If it gets that heated – someone should walk away.

4. He is around your friends and family. If he doesn’t treat your friends/family with respect, then he doesn’t respect you. They are an extension of you.

5. You are ending it. Even if the relationship is over and there are hurt feelings – he should have enough respect for what you did share to end it or accept the end with class.

Quick Tip: You teach others the amount of respect they will pay you. Even your worst enemy will respect you if you demand it. Demand what you are worth everyday.

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Apart from The Heart

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Distance makes the heart grow fonder, which is especially true for Valentineís Day. It is a wonderous thing to be with the one you love. And Saint Valentine was persecuted, endeavouring to maintain a pagan right of choice and the union of loving partnership.

There are innumerable factors why couples may find themselves alone on Valentineís Day. Couples for example who are in a long distance relationship, an unscheduled business trip popping up, shift work -preventing couples from being together or an unexpected sickness, maybe a family emergency. These are just a few examples of reasons why couples may find themselves apart during Valentineís Day.

While it’s easy to understand the reasons why you and your partner cannot be together on Valentineís Day, it does not make it any easier to accept, does it? Naturally it’s not the be all and end all but you could find yourself feeling a little out of sorts and booting the dog – just joking Rover boy!
However, there is hope for those who are spending Valentineís Day apart from their sole mates or loved ones. To be sure there are a few ways for making the day a lot more fun (some I won’t cover). So, here splashed about are some ways to celebrate Valentineís apart – using the most common situations of why partners are absent.

First up are couples who are in a long distance relationship. For these campers, they’re probably already used to spending important days such as Valentineís Day, anniversaries and other holidays apart, so not a problem really. Nevertheless, there are ways this couple can still spice up their celebration of Valentineís Day together. Letís see… both renting the same movie is a cute idea, with the mobile to hand they can “virtually speaking” watch the movie together. We won’t talk about the phone bill here, can’t be too cheap skate – anyway these days the special family tariffs give unlimited connections for peanuts so it’s possible the couple can chat away on their cell phones ad infinitum, all the while they’re watching the movie together. Also ordering in the same type of food, such as pizza or Chinese, may give the evening even more of a familiar spin – a feeling of togetherness for a little while.

Next letís dip into the unfortunates who find them selves spending Valentineís Day apart due to an unexpected business trip. MmmÖ not great, particularly difficult since the couple is not used to being apart on important days and most likely don’t have a great deal of time to prepare for spending the holiday apart. Discussion first and foremost about Valentineís Day, really as soon as they realize they are going to be spending the holiday apart. Essentially deciding if and when to set a side a time to celebrate: before they separate or after they’re back together, snug as a bug in a rug. Of course it’s important for the couple to try to at least have some contact on Valentineís Day even if it is over the phone, email or web cam. This at least may give a sense of being together; the idea is not to feel too distant or apart.
Having flowers or a special message delivered to your partner while you are separated are oldies but goodies and a great gesture of caring.

Concluding this small applet, there are those who cannot spend Valentineís Day together because one or both of them have work which involves odd shifts. This could include doctors, fire-fighters, police officers or a variety of other professions. Individuals in this type of situation have to generally accommodate and adjusted to their odd schedule and make time to be together outside of working hours. In this case the best way to deal with being apart on Valentineís Day is to plan on celebrating together when it is more convenient. This may not seem like the most romantic option but sometimes it is important to remember that you love your partner every day of the year and you donít have to be together on Valentineís Day to prove your love for each other.

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How Silence Can Destroy A Relationship

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I talk with many women who don’t understand what brought their relationships to the point of needing therapy. After all, ‘they don’t ever argue with their husbands’. Well, of course that sends a huge, waving, red flag up. If you NEVER disagree, you probably aren’t being honest or worse – not saying anything.

Relationship silence. It’s a poison for you and your partner because usually when you’ve reached the point of silence – or shutting down – and just not wanting to deal with your partner on any type of meaningful communicative way…you’re in big trouble and could be headed for a break-up or separation.

How do I know if we are being silent?
You know that your relationship is suffering from silence when you haven’t debated with your partner about anything in the past few months – in fact, you haven’t had an interesting conversation about anything that is important to either of you in the past few months or weeks. You have disconnected. And either you or he initiated the silence in an effort to stop having to deal with judgments, criticisms, and other negative conversation killers.

Why is it such a poison?
When there is healthy debate or even heated arguing in a relationship, that means that both people are trying to get their voices heard. They are trying to get their points across. They are trying convince their partners of something or convince themselves. Any way you slice it – opinions are out on the table and both of you know where the other stands. With silence, no one knows where the other stands. There is a lot of guessing and assuming, because no one is being heard. And we all know where that can lead.

What can I do about it?
Relationship silence is easy to cure. Just start talking. The biggest hurdle is for someone to take the first step. The second is to begin to understand why you both shut down to begin with. What was the last big argument you had? And what was said? And if the silence has gotten beyond the point of anyone taking that first leap of faith – you may need an impartial person such as a mediator, religious leader, or therapist to help you through it.

Quick Tip: If you are afraid to talk to your partner because of what his reaction may be – ask yourself “what am I afraid of?” What would the worst case scenario be if I demanded to be heard? Do I trust my partner not to judge me, berate me, or leave me if I speak up?

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