Tag Archives: love.

Do You Have Faith In Your Partner?

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Faith is one of the biggest assets. Most of us have faith in God. That means that we always believe that god will help us whenever we call on him. That God will be always support us. That god loves us and wants us to grow. God will never leave us alone. This faith is the greatest strengths of many of us. What about your partner? Do you have this kind of faith in him/her?

Many will answer that I have that faith in my partner. That is good. At least they have that faith. Many of you will not be sure about the answer and quite many know that they cannot have faith in their partner. Does your partner have faith in you? Why don’t you ask this question and find out the answer? Please ask him/her – Darling, suppose I have someone else in my life for a short time and then come to you and confess will our relations remain the same? Will you forgive me and forget what I did and accept me? Will we be together as we are today? The answer may differ from person to person, but you will rarely find a partner who accepts this.

As you broke his/her faith, how can you expect that their faith will remain intact? That you can expect them to support you after you betray them? That sounds difficult. Faith does not work that simply. Faith works on commitment. If you are committed to your partner and if your partner is a reliable person of integrity, you may have faith in him/her to a certain extent. To say that my partner will always be with me under all circumstances is difficult to say. Only few are lucky to have such partners.

What should we do? Draw an agreement verbally. Commit yourself fully and ask your partner to have faith in you always. Ask him/her to commit that you can have the same faith in them. Give proofs from time to time and you will win unshakeable faith of your partner. Once you have that faith, you will feel a great sense of relief because you are sure that your partner will never leave you.

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Making Marriage Work, Part 4

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In Part 1 of this series, I described the fears of rejection and engulfment that underlie relationship problems.

In Part 2 of this 5-part series, I offered a simplified version of the Six Step healing process of Inner Bonding:

1. Willingness
2. Choose the intent to learn
3. Dialogue with the feelings
4. Dialogue with your Higher Power
5. Take loving action
6. Evaluate the action.

Part 2 described what it means to be in Step One ñ what it means to be willing to feel your feelings and take responsibility for them, rather than turn to protective, controlling behavior.

Part 3 described what it means to be in Step Two – choosing the intent to learn – using Joanís and Justinís marriage as an example.

Part 4 continues with Joan and Justin, describing how Joan uses Steps 3 and 4 of Inner Bonding to deal with the issues in her marriage.

In Step 3 of Inner Bonding, Joan investigates her beliefs and behavior that is causing her pain. From a place within of compassion and curiosity, Joan dialogues with her feelings of anger, aloneness, fear and resentment. Imagining that she is a loving parent speaking with a hurting child, Joan asks her Inner Child questions:

Loving Adult Joan: Little Joanie, what am I thinking or doing that is causing you so much pain?

Inner Child Joanie: You keep telling me that Justin doesnít love me anymore. You are scaring me so much. Whenever Justin works a lot, you tell me that he is working because he doesnít love me anymore – that if he loved me, he would spend more time with me. You just keep telling me that there must be something wrong with me because Justin works a lot.

Now Joan moves into Step 4 ñ Dialoguing with her Higher Power/Higher Self. Joan imagines her personal concept of Spirit ñ God, Goddess, her own Higher Self, an inner mentor or teacher, or a spiritual guide.

Joan asks her Guidance: What is the truth about the belief that if Justin works late, he doesnít love me?

Joan relaxes and opens, moving out of her thinking mind and allowing the information to come through her from her Guidance. This Guidance is always here for us and we can access the information when we are open to learning about the truth and about loving action toward ourselves. It takes some time, but eventually Joan receives the following information:

Higher Guidance: Sometimes Justin works late because he has a lot of work to do and it has nothing to do with you. Sometimes he works late because he is afraid of your blaming and nagging. He loves you, but he doesnít always feel loved by you, and his way of dealing with feeling unloved by you is to stay away.

One way we know what is true and what is a lie is how it makes us feel. When Joan tells herself that Justin doesnít love her, she feels alone and afraid. When she tells herself the above truth, she feels clear and peaceful.

Joan asks her Guidance: What are the loving actions toward myself? What actions would be in my highest good?

Higher Guidance: Instead of focusing on what Justin is doing and how much time he is spending with you, focus on what would be fun for you to do when he is late. His being late gives you a chance to catch up with your friends, to read, and to do the creative things you enjoy doing. You can also take the dance class you have wanted to take. You will feel much better when you just take care of yourself instead of making Justin responsible for you. He will want to spend more time with you when he sees you happy than when you are always unhappy and complaining.

In the final section of this series, we will see what happens with Joan as she moves through Steps 5 and 6 of Inner Bonding.

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5 Relationship Killers and How to Avoid Them

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As a relationship counselor, I am constantly being asked why so many relationships fail. In the 37 years that I have worked with couples, I have discovered five major relationship killers:

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear motivates various forms of controlling behavior. Controlling behavior falls into two major categories ñ overt control and covert control.

Overt control includes many forms of attack, such as blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and ridicule.

Covert control includes compliance, enabling, withdrawal, defending, explaining, lying and denying. Often a person at the other end of attack will respond with some form of covert control in an attempt to have control over not being attacked.

Controlling behavior always results in resentment and emotional distance, bringing about the very rejection that it is meant to avoid.

RESISTANCE

Many people enter a relationship with a deep fear of being engulfed and controlled ñ of losing themselves. The moment they experience their partner wanting control over them, they respond with resistance ñ withdrawal, unconsciousness, numbness, forgetfulness, and procrastination.

When one partner is controlling and the other is resistant ñ which is really an attempt to have control over not being controlled – the relationship becomes immobilized. Partners in this relationship system feel frustrated, stagnant, and resentful.

NEEDINESS

Many people enter a relationship believing that it is their partnerís job to fill their emptiness, take away their aloneness, and make them feel good about themselves. When people have not learned how to take responsibility for their own feelings and needs, and to define their own self-worth, they may pull on their partner and others to fill them with the love they need.

SUBSTANCE AND PROCESS ADDICTIONS

Most people who feel empty inside turn to substance and process addictions in an attempt to fill their emptiness and take away the pain of their aloneness and loneliness. Alcohol and drug abuse, food, spending, gambling, busyness, Internet sex and pornography, affairs, work, TV, accumulating things, beautifying, and so on, can all be used as ways to fill emptiness and avoid fears of failure, inadequacy, rejection and engulfment. And they are all ways of shutting out your partner.

EYES ON PARTNER’S PLATE

Many people are acutely aware of what their partner is doing that is causing relationship problems, but completely unaware of what they are doing. For example, you might be very aware of your partnerís resistance or withdrawal, but totally unaware of your own judgmental behavior. You might be very aware of your partnerís anger, but completely unaware of your own compliance. You might be very aware of your partnerís addictive behavior, but very unaware of your own enabling. As long as your eyes are on your partner instead of on yourself, you will continue to believe that if only your partner changed, everything would be okay.

RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS

All relationship killers come from fear ñ of inadequacy, of failure, of rejection and of engulfment. As long as you are coming from any of these fears, you will be behaving in one or more of the above ways.

The way out is to develop a loving adult self who knows how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs. You will move beyond controlling, needy and addictive behavior only when you learn how to fill your self with love and define your own inner worth. When you are willing to take your eyes off your partnerís plate and turn your eyes fully on yourself, you can begin to do the inner healing work necessary to heal yourself and your relationship.

A good place to start is to download our free Inner Bonding course and begin to practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding. The daily practice of these steps will move you out of your addictive and controlling behavior and into the personal responsibility necessary to heal your relationship.

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Making Marriage Work, Part 3

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In Part 2 of this 5-part series, I offered a simplified version of the Six Step healing process of Inner Bonding:

1. Willingness
2. Choose the intent to learn
3. Dialogue with the feelings
4. Dialogue with your Higher Power
5. Take loving action
6. Evaluate the action.

Part 2 described what it means to be in Step One ñ what it means to be willing to feel your feelings and take responsibility for them, rather than turn to protective, controlling behavior.

We will now move on to Step Two: Choosing the intent to learn.

In Step Two, you open to learning about the your thoughts, beliefs and behavior that are causing your pain. You let go of believing that it is your partner who is causing your pain and you are willing to take full, 100% responsibility for your feelings of fear, anxiety, anger, hurt, rejection, abandonment, numbness, guilt, shame, aloneness or depression. In Step Two, you open to your Higher Self so that you can compassionately embrace your painful feelings and learn about what you may be doing to cause them.

For example, Joan feels angry, alone, rejected and abandoned because Justin spends a lot of time at work. Joan has been nagging Justin, judging him for his long hours and blaming him for her feelings. The result of this is that Justin has gotten even busier. He is obviously going into resistance, not wanting to be controlled by Joan.

Joan is using her anger and blame to avoid feeling her pain. She is addicted to having her eyes on Justin and making him responsible for her feelings. When he spends time with her, she feels happy and worthy, and when he doesnít she feels anxious and insecure.

If Joan were to practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding, she would start with Step One – welcoming and compassionately embracing her anger, aloneness, fear and resentment. She would be with these feelings just as a loving parent would be with a hurting child ñ with deep kindness and compassion toward herself.

Then, instead of going into her usual protective, controlling behavior of blaming Justin for her feelings with her anger, nagging and complaining, she would move to Step Two, opening her heart to learning about what she might be telling herself and how she might be treating herself that is actually causing her own pain. She would open to her older, wiser inner self, her Higher Self, to help her stay open to learning. She would choose to be curious about her own beliefs and behavior, rather than judgmental toward Justin or herself.

When Joan moves into Step Two, she is moving out of being a victim and into personal responsibility. This intent shift will immediately begin to change the interactions between Joan and Justin. When Joan shifts her intention from trying to control Justin with her anger, blame and complaints to learning about herself, her energy will completely shift. Justin will actually feel this energy shift, even if he is not in the same room as Joan. Energy is not local. We all unconsciously pick up when others are angry with us and when they are accepting and loving.

This intention shift is vital for healing a troubled relationship. As long as your eyes are on your partner and you are trying to get your partner to change to make you feel better, you will continue to have a dysfunctional relationship. At those times when you are willing to feeling your feelings and open to learning about how you are causing them, you will notice that your relationship quickly improves.

The shift out of trying to control your partner and into learning about loving yourself is one of the most major shifts you can make in your relationship.

In Parts 4 and 5, I will continue through the Six Steps of Inner Bonding, showing you how Joan uses these powerful Steps to heal her relationship with Justin.

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5 Important Details Developing Rapport

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Let us take a peak at the basics of developing rapport with others.

In a nutshell, what it takes is to ask questions, have a positive, open attitude, encourage an open exchange of communications (both verbal and unspoken), listen to verbal and unspoken communications and share positive feedback.

Here are important details on each step:

1. Ask Questions

Building report is similar to interviewing someone for a job opening or it can be like a reporter seeking information for an article.

Relax and get to know the other person with a goal of finding common ground or things of interest. You can begin by simply commenting on the other persons choice of attire, if in person, or about their computer, if online, and following up with related questions.

For example, in person, you could compliment the other person on their color choice and or maybe a pin, ring or other piece of jewelry and ask where it came from.

In online communications, you could compliment the other persons font, smile faces or whatever they use, mention that the communication style seems relaxed and ask if he or she writes a lot.

Then basically follow up, steering clear of topics that could entice or cause arguing, while gradually leading the person to common ground youd like to discuss.

2. Attitude

Have a positive attitude and leave social labels at home (or in a drawer, if youre at home). Many people can tell instantly if you have a negative attitude or if you feel superior. So treat other people as you would like to be treated. And give each person a chance.

3. Open Exchange

Do encourage others to share with you. Some people are shy, scared or inexperienced in communicating and welcome an opportunity to share. So both with body language and verbal communication invite an exchange. Face the other person with your arms open, eyes looking into theirs gently (not glaring or staring), and encourage a conversation with a warm smile.

4. Listen

Be an active listener. Dont focus your thoughts on what YOU will say next. Listen to what the other person is saying and take your clues from there, while also noting the body language.

For example, if the other person folds his arms and sounds upset, you may need to change the subject or let him have some space and distance; maybe even try approaching him later on and excusing yourself to go make a phone call (of head to the buffet table or somewhere to escape).

On the other hand, if the other person is leaning towards you, following your every word and communicating with your as if you were old friends, BINGO. Youve built rapport!

5. Share People like compliments

So hand them out freely without over doing it. Leaving a nice part of yourself like a compliment is a good memory for the other person to recall – numerous times. Thats good rapport. But do be sincere! False compliments arent easily disguised.

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Making Marriage Work, Part 1

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(This is part 1 of a 5-part series on making marriage work)

It was Joanís first counseling session with me, but it didnít take long before the tears began to stream down her cheeks. ìIím married to the man of my dreams, but Iím miserable,î she said, reaching a hand up to wipe away her tears. ìWe were so in love and now things are falling apart. We are fighting and distant much of the time. I love Justin and I donít want to lose him, but I donít know what to do. I donít know why this is happening. I seem to be getting angrier and angrier and he is getting more and more distant.î

ìWhat are you angry about?î I inquired.

ìJustin keeps pulling away from me. Heís working longer and longer hours. But even on the weekends when he is home, he just seems to be distant. Heís either watching TV, playing computer games, or in the garage working in his workshop. When I try to talk with him about it, he shuts down even more. We canít talk at all anymore.î

Like Joan and Justin, many couples are stuck in a dysfunctional relationship system, wondering what happened to the love and passion they had at the beginning of their relationship.

Two major fears may be undermining your relationship with your partner:

Fear of rejection: the loss of anotherís love through anger, judgment, emotional withdrawal, physical withdrawal, or death.

Fear of engulfment: the loss of self through being controlled, consumed, invaded, suffocated, dominated, and swallowed up by anotherís demands.

Until these fears are healed, you will likely react defensively whenever they are triggered. Joan reacted by getting angry when her fears of rejection were activated, while Justin withdrew when his fears of engulfment were triggered. You might react in different defensive ways, but the result will be the same – your reactive behavior coming from your fears of rejection or engulfment will trigger your partnerís fears of rejection or engulfment. Now both of you are acting out of fear. Together you have created an unsafe space where love and intimacy will gradually erode.

Most of us have not learned to stay open when our fears of being rejected, abandoned, engulfed, or controlled are triggered. If, when these fears are activated, you focus on who is at fault or who started it, you perpetuate the problems. Blaming your partner for your fears, as well as for your own reactive, unloving behavior, makes the relationship feel unsafe.

You both end up feeling badly, each believing that your pain is the result of your partnerís behavior. You feel victimized, helpless, stuck, and disconnected from your partner. You desperately want your partner to see what he or she is doing that (you think) is causing your pain. You think that if your partner only understands this, he or she will change – and you exhaust yourself trying to figure out how to MAKE your partner understand.

Over time, passion dries up. Superficiality, boredom, fighting, and apathy take its place.

The dual fears of LOSING THE OTHER through rejection and LOSING YOURSELF through being swallowed up by the other are the underlying cause of unloving, reactive behavior. These fears are deeply rooted. They cannot be healed or overcome by GETTING someone elseís love. On the contrary, you must heal these fears before you can SHARE love – give and receive love – with your partner.

The key to doing this is learning how to create a safe inner space where you can work with and overcome your fears of rejection and engulfment. In this series, I will show you a powerful six-step process you can use to create and maintain the inner safety you need to become strong enough to love.

Only when you have achieved inner safety and inner strength can you create a safe relationship space. Joan gradually learned to stop attacking Justin and take loving care of herself whenever her fears of rejection surfaced. She learned to create inner safety when she felt threatened rather than trying to get Justin to make her feel safe from her fears.

You can do this too. In fact, any two people who are willing to learn to create their own inner sense of safety can also learn to create a safe relationship space where their intimacy and passion will flourish and their love will endure. The rest of the articles in this series will lead you through this six-step healing process.

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4 Rules To Transform A Long Distance Love On The Internet Into A Normal Relationship

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Let’s suppose that you are meeting someone online
and that person seem to be the match of your life,
but is living far away from you. Does it worth
to spend your time in a long distance
relationship with this person? What if this
person is really your soul mate?

Keywords:
dating, online dating, relationships, seduction, marriage, foreign brides

Article Body:
Let’s suppose that you are meeting someone online
and that person seem to be the match of your life,
but is living far away from you. Does it worth
to spend your time in a long distance
relationship with this person?

What if this person is really your soul mate?

You may be surprised how much a relationship can
grow if you work at it. If you know and apply
some simple rules, your relationship can turn out
to be one of the most successful and happy
relationships that ever existed.

Distance, combined with phone calls and writing,
electronically or through regular mail, can
foster an enviable intimacy which results from
learning about another’s qualities, values and
ways of thinking, sensitivities, dreams, and
aspirations. This type of intimacy can make your
coming together much more special.

And, as if relationships weren’t complicated
enough, having them across a long distance is
extremely challenging. Just read the following
rules and try to keep them in mind and apply them:

1. The quality of a relationship is more likely
to increase if both people develop the ability to
share feelings openly with each other. Do not be
afraid to tell your partner what you really need
and want from him or her, he or she deserves to
know the truth and judge whether they can give it
to you.

2. Make the relationship a high priority. Avoid
canceling reunions or putting off a phone call.

3. Keep in touch daily. If large phone bills are
a concern, send e-mail, letters, cards and even
faxes. And when you do make contact, don’t just
stick to love talk, but keep each other informed
on the day-to-day aspects of your lives. This way
each of you is aware of how the other is thinking,
feeling and developing. Late-night talks and
thoughtful letters can convey a lot of what is
most important in the long-term: your goals,
values and dreams.

4. Be prepared to be flexible. Tell your partner
of how much you think about and love him or her
and you will score some important points. Making
them miss you more and youíll fill them with the
constant urge to see you. But don’t be possessive.
Being paranoid and accusing will only grow
doubts, insecurity and tension between you and
none of those will help the relationship develop
successfully.

If your partner truly wants to be with you, then
they would not want to wait forever to have you
next to her or him. As long as you both trust
each other, inform one another of your personal
lives, keep in touch, your relationship can turn
out into a happy normal relationship.

Ultimately, a fabulous relationship is your goal -
right?

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Make Love Not War: The Secrets Of A Successful Relationship

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The term ëmaking loveí has different meanings to different people. In general, in human nature, on TV shows and in movies, the term making love is used to define a tender moment of intimacy between two people. Yes, it usually indicates the act of intercourse, but it is supposedly describing it in a more substantial and meaningful way. The term making love is supposedly meant to imply something beautiful, something romantic ~ to create love. It is used to intentionally deter from giving the vision or thought of sex as being something obscene.

The term ëmaking loveí wasnít always used to depict the actual act of having sex. It was used to describe something more pure and even innocent. In the old days, the words ëmaking loveí were used to describe any romantic, intimate gesture. Something as simple as a kiss, a flirtation, an expression of devotion, or even a dance was defined as ëmaking loveí. Times sure have changed, havenít they? The days of wine and romance seem to be long gone, but for some of us, the words ëmaking loveí still hold a special meaning.

Everyone at one time or another has probably been told, or they themselves have said to another ñ Iím not just having sex with you, Iím making love with you. Of course, those statements are not always made with the utmost genuineness. It tends to give the term a bad name when used in those circumstances. But hopefully, common sense or gut instinct will let you know when itís not being said to you in all sincerity. If not, and you realize at a later time, chalk it up to experience. Live and learn, then move on and acknowledge the lesson.

But hopefully you have a partner who does acknowledge the significance of the words ëmaking loveí in their true sense. It should be an intimate and passionate experience. Making love, in the actual sense of the term, can be one of the most fulfilling exchanges of trust between two people. So choose your words wisely people, for tomorrow they may come back to haunt you.

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“What Does Love Mean?” See How 4-8 Year-Old Kids Describe Love

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A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds: “What does love mean?”

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think…

_____

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.”

Rebecca – age 8

_____

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”

Billy – age 4

_____

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”

Terri – age 4

_____

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.”

Danny – age 7

_____

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.”

Emily – age 8

_____

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.”

Bobby – age 7 (Wow!)

_____

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.”

Nikka – age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka’s on this planet)

_____

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”

Noelle – age 7

_____

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.”

Tommy – age 6

_____

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.”

Cindy – age 8

_____

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.”

Elaine – age 5

_____

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.”

Chris – age 7

_____

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.”

Mary Ann – age 4

_____

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” (Now THIS is love!)

Lauren – age 4

_____

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” (what an image!)

Karen – age 7

_____

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.”

Mark – age 6

_____

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.”

Jessica – age 8

_____

And the final one…

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

“Nothing, I just helped him cry.”

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How To Get Your Man To Pamper You?

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To your surprise there will probably be more things that you may want to avoid doing to win the favor of your man to get a chance at the ìAll Might Pamperingî. In some cases you may want to avoid doing certain things if you want to keep him comfortable with pampering you. So that would make this article good for women who are getting pampered and those who arenít.

Try to keep it real with yourself and face the fact that no one owes you a foot rub, back rub, or what you may consider pampering. With womenís movements and the lack of chivalry in todayís society you are now being put on the level of being equal with a man. If youíre the type of woman that believes in women being treated as equals, the type that holds to more older traditional values, or you maybe the type that likes to pull either card when it is convenient (This is a major donít do). All this is totally irrelevant. Both types are now being treat like equals regardless of what you may believe or hold true too. So if your feet hurts after a long days work or maybe they just hurt from doing so much walking through the park or shopping mall. Guess what? No, one owes you pampering.

Communication is still the number one key. The problem I believe that most women are having is in this area. So that you can see if you are having problems with this I will first give you a few pointers on how to tell. Then we will go into some more ìDonítsî to help get you going in the right direction or to help some not run into problems and lose there quality time.

ï If the words ìDarling we need to talk.î make him grunt and groan like heís in pain.
ï If you where getting catered to but now its only upon request.
ï You seem to feel a little like you are bugging him by asking
ï Heís told you that heís not going to do that and why heís not
ï When you guys start to communicate it usually ends in a argument

One thing you should remember is you are not going to change a person. That is something that has to happen with in and with time. Being forceful and fighting will only drive him away from the issue even more and maybe from you all together. And finding a new partner that will do the pampering. Well, I can only say ìthe grass may be greener on the other side, but it still has to be mowedî. So when you do communicate try to keep it simple by using the OUR #1 RULE: ìSpeak to him as you would have him speak to youî. Men feel more comfortable in conversations where they feel respected or honored. For example: you have a women who is getting her ìhalf job foot rubî from arguments and beating him down with consent harassment. On the other hand you have a woman that is sweet and persuasive that is getting a awesome foot rub that could even lead to night out with the girls, shopping or who knows what.

My womanís girlfriend said she had come home from a long days work and asked to be massaged because her back and feet where aching. The response she got was his back and feet where aching also. So of course she got upset. I feel that if she wouldnít have gotten upset she may have noticed a light bulb turn on. Remember donít be argumentative but be persuasive. What she should have replied was ìIím sorry you had a hard day too dear, Why donít we both take turns rubbing each others kinks out and listening to those CDís that we both likeî.

If you are wanting to be catered to then you must be willing to cater to him also. Remember you are a equal now, right? First find out what he likes and how he likes it. Men love catering too. Matter fact there is not much difference between you two. You guys just handle emotions and life situations differently as well as communicate your feelings differently. But there is no difference between your struggles.

Donít over do it. Try not to get into a mind frame where it is expected or not appreciated because the minute he feels it is not appreciated or this type of treatment wouldnít be given to him since you guys are equals. The pampering my go right out the door. Barking out instructions during the course of the pampering like giving instructions on how to rub your feet while heís actually doing it is a major NO, NO. This should be avoided by letting him know when you guys do discuss it. For example: ìYeah, honey when you gave me my rub that way it was really niceî. Also try not to discuss catering too much. Even nice words spoken over and over are irritating.

Making him feel like he owes you for the breakfast that morning or something you bought him when you went shopping yesterday is a real big turn off. That could put a major damper on the pamper parade. In some cases you may be dealing with a different case and scenario then I have described and thatís ok too. I will now give you a helpful summary list that a woman can apply to win favor with her man and have a better chance at getting pampered.

ï No one oweís you pampering
ï You canít change anyone
ï The grass may be greener but it still must be mowed
ï Be persuasive and sweet, not combative and forceful
ï Try not to give instructions on the pampering during pampering
ï Speak to him as you would have him speak to you

If I could sum it all up. I would say that the main focus from here own out needs to be in changing you and your approach to get your man to participate in the act of you guys pampering each other. Have fun out there!

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