Do You Have An Abusive Boyfriend?

Statistics show that 1 out of 3 teenagers has experienced violence in a dating relationship. Most cases involve one partner trying to maintain power and control over the other through some kind of abuse.

Most victims of Dating violence are young women who are also at higher risk for serious injury. Women ages 16 to 24 experience the highest per capita rates of intimate violence — nearly 1 out of 50 women.(Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence, May 2001)

Teen dating violence often is hidden because teenagers are inexperienced, want independence from their parents. and they are pressured by peers to begin dating at an early age.

Some young men may believe they have the right to “control” you or they think they will lose “respect” if they are attentive and supportive toward their girlfriends.

Are you at fault?

You might think you are the one who is causing the problem. You may think that his jealousy and abusiveness means he really loves you so much he can’t control himself.
You might think because you have friends that are also being abused that this is normal or you may think you can change him.

You would be wrong on any of those counts and statistics prove that beyond a shadow of a doubt. If your boyfriend is abusive now, he will not get better, he will get worse until one day he hurts you really bad or even kills you. It’s that serious.

Ask yourself these questions; If you answer yes to one or more of the following questions about the boy you are dating then you are in danger of having a serious problem. If several of these are yes, get a new boyfriend.

Is he using alcohol or drugs?

Does he have extreme mood swings? Happy one minute and angry the next?

Is he extremely jealous? Does he get into fights with other boys who pay you attention?

Does he use force during an argument or during intimacy?

Does he blame others or make excuses about his problems?

Is he verbally abusive to you? (yelling all the time, putting you down, calling you stupid, threatening you?)

Does he treat his mother with disrespect or is he mean to her? Do former girlfriends say he abused them?

Does he try to control you or tell you what to do, who you can see, where you can go all the time?

Does he try to keep you away from your family or try to make you dependent on him, telling you that he knows what is best for you and your family is always wrong?

I repeat if even two of those things is true, you need to break it off and get as far away from him as possible, because these are all signs of someone who abuses or will abuse women.

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Are You Being Disrespected By Your Mate?

There is a trap that many of us fall into because for the most part girls are socialized to be sweet, accommodating, passive, well-mannered etc. When we grow up and get into relationships, many of us don’t really know what to do in response to disrespect.

It’s a little like we’re frozen. Shocked. Disappointed. Now What? Well, there is a % of women who will not put up with any form of disrespect in their relationships. One incident and they bail. Probably a good idea.

But then there is the rest of us – who either get temporarily outraged or upset, but like a bitter pill – we swallow it and move on. This is NOT a good idea.

No matter how many partners you may meet in your lifetime, there should always be at least one requirement – that you are treated with respect from day one until the end.

Look for areas of respect when…

1. You are intimate. He should respect your likes and dislikes.

2.You are talking to each other. He shouldn’t speak to you like an angry dad or like you’re an idiot.

3. You are arguing. Even in the heat of battle, you shouldn’t be disrespected. If it gets that heated – someone should walk away.

4. He is around your friends and family. If he doesn’t treat your friends/family with respect, then he doesn’t respect you. They are an extension of you.

5. You are ending it. Even if the relationship is over and there are hurt feelings – he should have enough respect for what you did share to end it or accept the end with class.

Quick Tip: You teach others the amount of respect they will pay you. Even your worst enemy will respect you if you demand it. Demand what you are worth everyday.

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