Monthly Archives: May 2012

How To Get The Chemistry In Your Relationship Back

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Most relationships start out in a way that its like thereís fireworks everytime the two people are together. Both of you just cant get enough of each other, you enjoy the times you spend together and cant wait to do it again. There is some kind of chemistry developing between the two of you that just seems to bind and fuse the two of you together the more you spend more time with each other. Sparks just seem to fly when you get together and more and more people tend to notice the chemistry between the two of you.

Everybody tends to say that a two person have chemistry when they are fit for each other. Its more than just a clichÈ since chemistry cant really be described, its just the way two persons seem to just click. You know you have chemistry with another person when your knees start shaking everytime you are near her, you begin to stammer, your stomach feels like a haven for butterflies and you get all sweaty all the time. Chemistry could be another word for love but in some cases, the chemistry might be gone but love could still be present. Thatís why some people would like to revive the chemistry in their relationship because they still love the person and would like to make the relationship better; like that way it used to be when they fell in love with one another.

The rush one gets when they are in love, itís like having a triple shot of espresso. Itís like your always high and on top of the world. Your heart is racing everytime your near your partner and you develop powerful feelings that are just constantly nagging for attention, you cant explain what it is, but its there. But after a certain period of time, some relationships get past the chemistry and the momentum wanes, you have gone past the ìhoneymoon period.î Many have strived to get their chemistry back; here are some tips on how to get your chemistry back.

Chemistry can either be through physical and emotional. Physical chemistry deals with the way we are attracted to our parents on the physical level. In some relationships, the partners tend to be too relaxed and comfortable with their relationship that they have a tendency to let go of their physical looks. When this happens, one partner may lose their physical attraction and their physical chemistry as well. Some cases have shown that physical chemistry may also be about the great sex they have, when this type of physical chemistry is forgotten and the sex becomes too regular and boring, the physical chemistry may be lost. Loss of attention to the physical attributes and to the physical contact is what causes these problems, try to get yourself back in shape and try to look good for your partner, this will show that you donít take your partner for granted and you still want to look good for them. In regards to sex, try to be adventurous, think up of ways which can spicen up your sexual activities to make them more exciting and adventurous for both of you. This will rekindle the physical chemistry that has decreased over the years.

With emotional chemistry, this could be because we have grown tired with our partner because of the routine becoming too routinely. Refresh your emotional chemistry for each other by taking in a new perspective about each other. Take vacations, act out your fantasies, be open to one another and find a solution on how to bring the sparks back to each other. Try to discover what the both of you want out of the relationship and build on that. Be open to new ideas and never contradict. The less fight the better it is to strengthen the ties that bind you together. If you truly love one another, you will find out and everything in how to get the chemistry back in your relationship.

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eing Dumped, just plain sucks!

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Hurricanes really suck. Even if they do not reach you, they still threaten your safety net. Florida survived last years attack of Mother Nature, so we are a little more courageous this year. Not much, but a little. I would love to meet the person that pissed her off (Mother Nature). Not only does she get even, but she does it with a vengeance. That’s like PMS & Menopause all rapped up. So, for all you poor souls that are in for that ride(PMS & Manopause), and have no clue what it is all about, think hurricane. It can turn in a second and destroy you. Oh, and it has many names also, like bitch, nag, crazy, nuts, annoying, female, insane, messed up, pms’ing, hallucinating, on drugs, stupid bitch, mentally challenged, and that’s just a few, except they are not in an alphabetical order like the hurricanes. OK so we are disorganized. BITE ME! You seriously have to be PMS`ing to be able to understand (winks). I can only hope that everyone gets as many laughs as I have so far typing this.

OK, now onto more serious matters in life. Today I received a question from a guy. Here is what he said:

“Posted by Anonymous
The last woman I was involved with was quite full of herself.
So then why did she dump me?”

And my answer to him was this… “Posted by Dorothy
Hey there, sorry to hear about your being dumped. Not knowing either of you, it is really hard to answer that question. There are many reasons for people walking away from a relationship. It could have plain worn out. Also they could have found someone else. Either way, it sucks, and you have to deal with the pain, and learn to get on with your life. It is a challenge, but it does make you aware, of what being human is all about. There is a saying; “If it doesn`t kill you. it will only make you stronger.” Also I am a firm believer in: ” Things do happen for a reason.” Hang in there, things will get better, if you let them. Take Care and thank you for sharing that with me.”

“Being Dumped” really is one of the worst experiences, short of death that we, as humans are faced with in our lives. They say that, death of a loved one is easier to learn to live with, than a break-up , “Being Dumped” or rejection.

All of the above, tell us that we are unacceptable to someone. We immediatley turn it into ourselves and that’s when the self-blame seed is sown. Through self-blame we begin to feel shame. Shame is so painful, that no one talks about it or even wants to think about it. Shame is the least identified emotion we as humans deal with, because we are ashamed of our shame. Shame, is yet another negative emotion, that captures and imprisons us in a pit of hell. It pulls us into a life of silence and inactivity, lying and hiding our true fears. When we are rejected in any situation, it is a true hit to our self-esteem. If we are weak in that area, then our fall is going to be very hard. If we are strong in that area, we will quickly become weak. I wrote this in a recent blog:

“When we first fall in love; What is that saying, “Love is Blind”? Ha! Now that’s funny, because it really is blind. We trust so instantly and genuinely that we potentially set ourselves up for the biggest fall in our lives. Why is that? Is it because we are so driven by nature to want to trust someone? Or is trusting someone just a happier, easier, way of life.”

So there it is, we as humans, live to love and want to be loved. We are blinded by the romance of the word ~ LOVE~. We are made happy by the word~LOVE~, but we are also hurt by the word ~LOVE~. So why do we continually set ourselves up? We are gambling, and we do not even know it. Or, is life simply just that, a gamble? The bottom line is, no one wants to get “DUMPED”, because it is not in our nature to know how to accept it. How many of you have been, “DUMPED” and just knew that your life had ended? You just knew that you will never see anything the same again. Well, you were partly correct there. It is like any other change in our lives. Things will be different than we are use to. Your life has definitely not ended. Yes, your partnership has ended with a person, and maybe it was not expected, but nor are hurricanes or wars. We deal with it all, we have to. We chose to survive. Think of it as starting a new life. Newness is positive and healthy. Look at things differently, and embrace all that newness. Do not fear it. “BEING DUMPED”, is just another chapter in your book of life. If you had no chapters, think how dull your book would be. Now, you can open your self to another chapter, and believe me, there are many. If you spend the rest of your life wondering all the “WHY`S”, just think, you have wasted even more of your precious time on something that has chosen another road. As for the fact that a person is, full of themselves, that really has nothing to do with the “Why’s” of “Being Dumped”. Even the most confident people close doors on relationships. They in fact, have more courage to do so than a person of less confidence, or being less full of themselves, so to speak. Who Knows? All we know is that the decision has been made and you as a person, with intelligence, must turn the page. Getting stuck in that feeling just makes therapists rich. (wink) Life offers many, many humps and bumps. We trip and fall, over and over again. The trick is to get real good at picking yourself up and dusting off the old dirt. This is life. I told my daughter, when she was struck by her first cupids arrow, “If you are going to get emotionally involved, be prepared to get emotionally uninvolved.” It’s life! One very important thing we must remember; when we are at the bottom and we feel we are worthless and will never ever TRUST again, it’s is a nothing more than a human emotion. We know it as doubt. We can over come doubt very easily. Look in the mirror, and tell yourself, that you are UNIQUE, and you are going to make happiness your goal. You must risk all the falls to reach that goal. Letting yourself believe that you are deserving of another relationship is truly a risk, again another gamble. But what is life without a little risk? We have the power to overcome our negative self. We just need to DO IT!!

“Self doubt is not an option!

Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we often might gain

by fearing attempt.”

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Does She Still Want You?

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You met, you dated, you probably fell in love – and then you broke up. You didn’t want the relationship to end, and now you suspect she’s not sure she should’ve ended it, either. How can you tell for certain, though?

The easiest way is to ask, but that is easier said than done if you fear being rejected or fear making her uncomfortable. It is only natural to want some ‘signs’ or indicators of her true feelings so you can figure out if it is worth it to take the risk on her.

So, how can you tell when a woman still wants you?  How can you tell whether her desire is strong enough that she’s willing to give you a second chance?

Although not fool-proof, the following signs can help give you the insight you need:

  1. She ‘accidentally’ runs into you more than once.

Outside of school/work, is she running into you at the places you used to go to together or that she knows you like? This could be anything from a coffee shop to a record store.

The reason she goes there is because she misses you and is open to interacting with you. If she truly wanted to be over you, she would disappear and avoid you.

  1. She calls a lot for ‘innocent’ reasons

A woman who misses you and wants to hear your voice will find almost any good excuse to call you on the phone. She’ll always think up what sounds like a very good and logical reason for the call.

It could be anything from wanting your opinion or help (“you always were better with computers than I am”) to asking you for mundane information she could’ve verified elsewhere (“I was just wondering if you knew Jane’s phone number, I need to call her about something…”).

  1. She stays near you in social situations

If you and your ex still interact in the same circle of friends, you may find that she gravitates to you when she’s still interested. Let’s say you are at a party at someone’s house. Your ex is playing it cool, yet you notice that she sits next to you whenever there is an open seat.

It will seem like she’s ‘going with the flow of the party’ with you, matching your attitude an energy. At the very least, this means she feels comfortable with you, and it often means she feels even more than that.

  1. She stills laughs with you and smiles a lot

This one can be tricky. You could just be a really funny guy! However, people who are very fond of each other often smile and laugh more than usual, even at the things that aren’t all that funny.

So, if you suddenly find yourself feeling like the stand-up comic of the year when you’re around her, you can be she’s still keen on you.

  1. She’s still not dating anyone else….

Although she may talk openly about wanting to meet someone new, it has all been just talk for the past few months. She hasn’t met anyone and she doesn’t even seem to be making the effort to go out all that much. On top of all this, she chooses to spend time with you.

If you can answer yes to two or more of the above, there is a very good chance she still wants you.  Even if it turns out you’re wrong, love is worth the risk, so go for it!

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