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Money Matters in Relationships

One of the number one reasons people get divorced is directly related to money. So before you get married you need to have a money talk. Find out how you both feel about money.

Do you both feel it is important to have an emergency fund? What about a savings account? Is budgeting important to both of you?

And even if you both agree on most of that you also need to be aware of how the other spends. So sit down with each other and talk about money.

When you sit down you want to ask all the questions that I mentioned in the beginning but you also want to cover a couple other topics. For example, never make assumptions about how your partner spends money.

Your partner could make a good deal of money, but also come with a good deal of debt. You also want to find out what your partner’s goals are. Do they have any kind of retirement plan? Do you?

Another thing to keep in mind is the timing of the conversation in dealing with money matters in relationships. You do not want to ask to see your date’s portfolio on the first date, or the second. The money conversation is really only for a couple who has been together awhile and intends on staying together long term.

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And when you do finally bring it up it doesn’t have to be everything all at once. Bring it up over several conversations and don’t make it a huge serious deal. You can find out a lot by just asking a few questions here and there.

Equally important is how your partner reacts to the conversations you do have about money. If he or she continually avoids answering questions or if they get very defensive when you bring it up those are some serious red flags that you need to pay attention to.

Now if he or she requests to have the conversation at a later day they may just need a bit more time to trust you with that information and that is OK. Ask them when would be a good time and make sure you bring it up again. And make sure you tell them that at some point you would like to sit down and go over both ends of money, yours and his or hers and explain to them why it is important to you.

Money matters in relationships can be tricky. So it is important that you take it one step at a time. There is no hurry if you in a long term relationship. But just like developing other areas of your relationship like trust and intimacy, money talks need to happen to find out if you are compatible on that front too.

And if you are not compatible are you both willing to compromise to put you closer to the other’s beliefs about money. It may sound bad, but money can make or break a relationship especially if you don’t find out beforehand where the other person stands so you can decide if you can live with that.

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