How to Sustain a Loving Marriage
It is hard to believe that now almost 50% of all marriages fail. If you are in a marriage now or contemplating
getting married, you have to be wondering how on earth couples are actually able to sustain a loving marriage.
I think part of the issues that come into play is that most people have unrealistic expectations for what they
thought or think marriage will be like.
Marriage is not like the fairy tales. It is hard and it has to be a decision both partners make, every day.
Another interesting thought to consider is that what most people fail to understand is that two people can love
each other, and the other partner can still not feel loved. Men and women show their love differently and sometimes
that gets misinterpreted as one not loving the other.
Looking at how to sustain a loving marriage requires looking at
different parts of the marriage:
• Expectations – Each person in the couple comes to the marriage with certain
expectations. When those expectations are not met, feelings of anger or resentment begin build. Along with those
hurt feelings partners also tend to start keeping track of which expectation was not met and when. So when there is
an argument, it is not only about whatever started the fight, but also whatever else has been racked up since the
• Honesty – This one is hard, because we all learned that sometimes it is easier to
lie then to hurt someone’s feelings. Well is not what we are talking about. You are in a partnership and if you
hate the color of the carpeting your spouse likes you better speak up or you are going to be stuck with that color
for 10 years. And if there is a breach in that honesty then trust is broken and is very, very difficult to
• Ups and downs – There are going to be ups and downs in every relationship. There
will be times when you are closer and times when you are not. It is knowing and acknowledging that, accepting that,
that will allow you to ride the ups and downs without crashing.
It will also require both partners to fall in love with each other all over again. It is like saying every
morning, “I choose you”. You have to make the conscious decision to make the commitment to your partner, over and
• Support – If you want your marriage to last
you have to be supportive of each other. Each one of you has goals and dreams, and both of you deserve to reach all
of them. Wanting that for your partner is just as important as you reaching your own goals.
It is absolutely possible to sustain a loving marriage “til death do you part”, but it takes work, dedication, a
continued choice to be with that person, to be honest even when it is hard, to understand that it is not fair to
hold someone to your expectations without discussing them, so everyone is on the same page. It can be done, if you
want it, work for it and don’t ever take for granted that it will always be there!
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