Save Your Relationship

How to Recover from the Pain of a Breakup

If you have recently gone through a breakup, you may feel like someone ripped your heart out and stomped on it, shattering it into a million tiny pieces.

The pain can go very deep, and healing and moving on may feel impossible.

You may be finding it hard to focus on your work, and sleep may feel like the only escape from the pain - that is, when you finally fall asleep.

The old saying that "time heals all wounds" is only partially true. If you want to speed up the clock towards recovery, what matters most is what you do with your time following heart break.

Following are some tips to help get over the pain of a breakup as fast as possible and feel like life is worthwhile once again:

1. Out of sight, out of mind. Okay, it's not quite that simple but there is no point in torturing yourself with things that remind you of your ex. If you were together for quite awhile, you most likely have many mementos of your relationship - photos, notes, emails, cards, and various gifts.

conversational chemistry

Now is the time to pack them away, or if you are really serious about moving on, donate what you can to charity, and throw the rest away. In fact, take those letters, notes and cards and burn them, doing it as a ritual. State your intention to heal and move forward to better things.

Recovery will happen much more quickly if you are not reminded of your ex constantly.

2. Sit down and make a list of all your ex's flaws. Be brutal. Be honest. Too often we put our ex on a pedestal when they leave us. Suddenly all we can think about is how wonderful they were and all the things we miss about them.

But they weren't perfect, and if you're honest with yourself, he or she had some serious flaws. NOW is the time to focus on those and remind yourself that he or she wasn't perfect.

3. Make a list of everything that was wrong or troubling in your relationship. Chances are, there were problems festering long before the breakup. Reflect back and write those down.

You will be less likely to continue idolizing your ex or the relationship once you make these lists. In fact, you may find yourself wondering why the heck you didn't end it first!

4. Surround yourself with people who love you and believe in you. Breakups can put a huge dent in your self-esteem. More than ever you need to spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself and who will readily remind you what a wonderful person you are.

supreme self confidence

5. Allow yourself to truly grieve. A breakup can be even more painful than losing someone through death. While this may sound odd, the truth is that when someone breaks up with you, you feel rejected in addition to the loss. But when someone dies, rejection is not the issue.

Grieving is an essential process for true recovery. Don't try to stuff or numb those painful emotions. Set aside some time each day, even if just a few minutes, to feel the pain and sit with it. Write your thoughts and feelings down in a journal.

When the time you've set aside is up, focus your attention on something else so you don't end up wallowing in your pain for long periods of time (which isn't constructive).

6. Get your body moving. During intense emotional pain of a breakup, exercise is often the last thing you feel like doing. Exercise will not only help you feel better about yourself, it will enhance your mood as "feel good" brain chemicals known as endorphins are released.

Each of these things can help you get over a painful breakup. Be patient - it's not going to happen overnight. But it will happen much more quickly if you follow these steps.

If you know for sure that there is no chance that you can ever get over your break-up, and are willing to work toward making up with your loved one, check out: