Save Your Relationship

How to "Move On" After a Breakup

If you have just gone through a breakup, you know how difficult it can be. Trying to get on with your life afterwards is difficult for many people, too.

Whether you were dumped or the one that instigated the breakup, you may be lost after the deed has been done.

There are some ways with approaching the future that can prevent you from grieving as much or tempting you to go running back including:

1. If there was a good reason for the breakup and no reason to want to fix the relationship, then accept it, bury it, it's over. Don't give in to any hopes that he is going to change his mind and things will go back to the way they were.

2. Break all ties. At least for a while, don't go anywhere that you will run into him. If you belong to the same club or even work in the same office, use every tool you have to avoid him even if you have to take a week of vacation from work.

3. Give yourself a makeover. This includes the inside and the outside as well. If you always wanted to try something new with your hair, give it a try. Take up a new hobby, drop that last ten pounds, buy a bicycle and ride it every day. Make yourself healthier, happier, and even more interesting for someone new.

4. Be open to new relationships. We have all sworn off men at some point and that is usually when the best opportunities come along. You don't have to go out in pursuit of any man you can find available but don't close your mind to the possibilities that come along.

5. Indulge yourself in the company of your friends but without talking about him. Your friends were probably there before he was and you had great times together in the past. You may be surprised by how much you enjoy some quality fun time with them.

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No matter how hard you try, there are going to be times where you think about your loss and feel sadness. Go ahead and cry but stay out of the ice cream container. Everyone feels grief but you don't want to be bad to yourself as a result. Overtime, you will recover from the pain of a breakup.

Picture yourself in the future, looking great, feeling happy, and enjoying a new relationship with someone you are more suited to. Work towards making your future happen.

Once the Smoke Clears

When you have gotten over the initial shock of the breakup and are beginning to see glimpses of your former self, it is time to do a "relationship evaluation". Get out a pencil and paper and make a Pros and Cons list of the details of your relationship before you broke up.

Be honest about the things you liked and didn't like about your ex and what you would have liked to be different and would have changed if possible. Don't just evaluate your ex's part in the relationship but note behaviors of your own that you would like to have made different.

Once you do this relationship evaluation, you will have a great tool for future relationships. Too often, we run back out and hunt for the exact same type of person that we just broke up with and doom ourselves to repeat the painful history.

Use your evaluation when you meet someone new to ensure you aren't in a behavioral pattern that is going to prevent you from finding happiness. If you see yourself married with two kids five years into the future, then a guy with a fear of commitment isn't going to be your ideal mate.

Although a breakup is one of the most painful things you can go through in your life, you can use it as a learning experience and get on with your life with a much clearer perspective.

During and after a break up, the biggest loss is NOT the love of your spouse or partner; it's the knock that your self esteem takes. To help you get your confidence back FAST, take a look at this:

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