How to Communicate With Your Spouse
Many couples think that as long as they talk to their partners once in awhile they have good communication. This
is not exactly the case as communication comes in various forms with regard to relationships.
Learning how to communicate with your spouse requires using all forms of communication both verbal and
non-verbal. Mastering these techniques will insure a healthy partnership in the long term.
Healthy Verbal Communication
Do you have discussions with your spouse which end up heated or with one or both of you feeling frustrated or
unheard? It is possible you need to work on your techniques for having positive conversations. Regardless of the
topic or whether there is a dispute on the table, you can develop good habits for conveying and sharing ideas.
First, you should always set aside time to talk. Even when there is nothing important to be said, sharing is
part of the growth of marriage. As life moves forward, people change and create new ideas and perspectives. It is
important to always find time to talk about these new developments so you and your partner can continue to get to
know each other.
Second, when discussing difficult subjects or disagreements, it is essential to come to the table with an
attitude of love and support. Placing blame, pointing fingers or throwing daggers can only harm the foundation of
Consider you both have important things to discuss and neither is a priority over the other. No one should have
to be right or wrong. Instead focus on how to solve the problem together so that you both are happy in the end.
Third, regardless of whether it is your anniversary or your partner’s birthday, you should always offer verbal
forms of affection on a daily basis. Don’t save these sweet words for special occasions. Each day you have a loving
and lasting relationship should be celebrated. Sometimes people just need to hear the words, “I love you” or “I
appreciate you” once in awhile and it will make all the difference.
Finally, work on your listening skills as this is essential in developing good communication. If you can truly
hear and understand what your partner is not only saying but also feeling; you will better be able to evaluate a
fair and reasonable response. Don’t make assumptions and be sure to ask for clarification if needed. Your partner
will feel loved and supported as you make the effort to know what they mean.
Healthy Non-Verbal Communication
Non-verbal communication comes in many forms. It can be a simple smile or a big bear hug. Any method of saying
something to your partner with gestures, eye contact, writing or other actions is considered communication as well.
Be conscientious of what your actions state.
Are you saying one thing and doing another? Did you tell your spouse you missed them when they were away but not
get up to give them a hug or receive them lovingly when they returned? You should always make sure your words and
actions are congruent and not contradicting your desired outcome.
Below are a few other positive suggestions for healthy non-verbal communication. By learning them you will
inevitable improve how to communicate with your spouse.
• Hugs, Kisses and other affectionate gestures
• Smiling, laughing and winking
• Flirtation and seduction
• Love notes
• Considerate actions
Even if you and your spouse have had a tough time, simply put some of these ideas into practice and learn to
become aware of the habits you have formed. If there are negative habits or perhaps no communication at all, simply
start to introduce a few at a time.
Have patience when learning how to communicate with your spouse as it takes time to break old patterns and
replace them with new ones. Simply the effort of trying will begin to bring you closer and improve the foundation
of your partnership.
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