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How to Avoid Codependent Relationships

In order to learn how to avoid codependent relationships, it is essential to understand the definition. A codependent person is one who behaves either passively or excessively with reference to their care for others.

Placing the needs of others before your own and entering into a pattern of unhealthy love will lead to relationships which fail or are generally unhappy.

If you are concerned about being codependent or with someone who may be in this category, here is a list of codependent traits to help raise your awareness.

Traits of Codependent People

• Feels anxiety in regards to other peoples problems
• Feels responsible for the feelings of others
• Offers advice whether wanted or not
• Sacrifices routine in order to respond to needs of others
• A belief others cause you to feel crazy
• Constantly blaming self for things going wrong
• A rejection of compliments or positive praise
• Victim
• Defensive nature or takes things personally
• Ashamed
• Fear of rejection
• Tries to control or help others live their lives
• A wish others would love you
• A belief others aren’t capable of loving you
• Always trying to prove you are good enough
• Fear of abandonment
• Focus energy on other people and their problems
• Feeling controlled by events or other people
• A belief that love equals pain
• Constantly seeking love and approval
• Needing a relationship to provide all happiness
• Problems with intimacy or boundaries
• Cannot be close to people
• Difficulty Making Decisions
• Rigidity and difficulty adjusting to changes
• Guilt
• Hurt when efforts are recognized by others

Codependency is a fairly complex disorder. In order to eliminate it from your future relationships you must determine whether you are codependent yourself. More often than not, codependent people attract others also dependent and the pattern continues over and over with each failed relationship.

Otherwise, they simply attract someone who does not necessarily give them the love and respect they need therefore playing the victim. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people form or continue in relationships which are unhealthy, one sided or abusive. In either case removing these habits will take patience and time as they have been developed and most likely passed on from generations of dysfunctional familial habits.

To remove codependent habits you must begin to be aware of your emotional responses to situations, people and most importantly yourself. The best solution is to simply detach emotionally in order to analyze things before responding.

Also, it may be necessary to seek outside help such as psychological counseling or support groups of recovering codependents. It is necessary to choose the path which you know will benefit you the most and begin to unravel the roots of these causes which are most likely from childhood issues.

Once you have established whether you or your partner is codependent you can begin to introduce more loving patterns into your life. Sometimes the simple act of faking it will eventually lead you to form the positive habits you need to recover. For example, by pretending not to care about peoples problems, perhaps you can eventually learn to remove yourself from the constant caretaker role and begin focusing on your personal needs.

Once you have done these things it shouldn’t be hard to learn how to avoid codependent relationships because you will be much more in tune with this type of person. While the journey is long and arduous, it is possible to turn things around and have healthy and positive results in your relationships and life.

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