Save Your Relationship

Desperation Doesn't Work


Desperation is never an attractive thing. Be it in a relationship or during job hunting, showing signs of desperation literally closes out any chances you might have had.

It’s very unappealing for someone to be willing to settle for almost anything. You make the other person wonder how much you value yourself.

Here are 3 signs you’re a desperate lover/dater

You’re always available – So you met this person and even the first date was terrific. However, it’s been four days and they haven’t called yet, and you’re a little concerned your new partner may not be so enthusiastic about you.

Then suddenly the phone rings and he’s inviting you out to dinner. Without thinking twice, you say yes. Of course, to you, this may all seem fine but what does it say about a person who receives an invite at 6.20pm for dinner at 6.30pm? You may claim that you’re an adult and don’t want to play games hence you didn’t pretend you were busy.

If you wanted to be honest with your caller and avoid showing signs of desperation, you could tell them that you don’t accept dinner invites 10 minutes to the date. You can be less aggressive and tell them politely to reschedule the date because you had already planned out your evening.

When you gladly accept an invite 10 minutes to your date, your partner will take note of this availability and you’ll be effectively setting a particular pattern in motion.

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Clingy behavior – Basic human behavior dictates that we tend to give much attention to the things that are scarce and deemed valuable, while we give less attention to those things that are in abundance. There’s no problem with this if it’s in the jungle. But out here, if you focus all your thoughts and attention on one person in the quest for love, it can instead backfire.

People who are desperate (in a relationship) tend to have an acute fear of being dumped and they don’t believe that they can find someone else out there ‘as good as their current partner’. Therefore, they hold on tightly.

They often ask many prying questions and try to stay as close as possible in the hope that they’ll prevent their prize from running away.

Instead, you may lose control and actually drive your lover away. Just let them be but don’t let them go away.

Constant status updates about the relationship – If you’re going on a long trip with a 5 year old, it’s not unusual for them to start asking 15 minutes into the drive, ‘Are we there yet? ‘How long before we get there? ’

There are lots of grown men and women who do just the same in their relationships. The desperate partner will frequently request for ‘relationship conversations’ to try and ease their fear of being dumped. ‘Where are we in our relationship? Do you think about us? What are we doing?’

Sometimes, it may work – for a while. A person may play along just to give their desperate partner a sense of comfort, or out of fear of disappointing them. But most times, the endless need for re-assurance leaves the exhausted partner no choice but to walk away.

The list of desperation signs is certainly longer but these are the most common signs shown by desperate lovers. Learn to love yourself first. Build confidence and boost your self-esteem, and then this will make you more wanted by your partner.

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