Determining Why You Act the Way You Do In Relationships
Every individual has a set of baggage they carry which often inadvertently undermines or wreaks havoc within
Sometimes the reasons behind these actions are subconscious and help is needed in determining why you act the
way you do in relationships.
By learning about yourself, analyzing your history, experiences and principals which have made you who you are,
you can begin to unravel these mysteries and take a look at the root of conflicts.
Childhood and Upbringing
Many habits and tendencies spring from early childhood where we learned and processed examples from the adults
and environment around us. Here are a few examples which could affect relationships as an adult:
• Abandonment Issues –Perhaps one parent left when you were young or you were adopted in which case
you may have a tendency to be clingy or have a fear of being left alone or abandoned. This creates a co-dependent
type of relationship.
• Abuse –If your parents or anyone was abusive when you were young this will most certainly affect
your present. Abuse manifests in two ways generally, people either become angry, bitter, resentful and/or abusers
themselves whether emotional or physical; alternatively, they also can become fearful, submissive and unable to
stand up for themselves.
• Arguments and Disputes – While this can fall under the abuse category at times it is true growing
up in a household filled with constant bickering, fighting and unrest will lend itself to the person’s future
outlook on relationships. This causes an individual to become negative, defensive in nature or prone to arguing
themselves. Conflicts are never resolved and communication is
• Living Arrangements – If your family moved a lot you most likely aren’t someone who enjoys staying
in one place for very long. Setting down roots may be more difficult for you as you are constantly seeking the next
new place just as you did when you were a child.
Also, this creates a tendency to remove yourself from close friends and keep your distance for as a child you
learned that it was painful to say goodbye to people you cared about so you just stopped having friends.
Alternatively, you may have grown up in a house which was never clean or organized. You may have become a messy
housekeeper yourself. Perhaps your mother never cooked so therefore you don’t know how or never learned. There are
many variables to your childhood household arrangement which helps in determining why you act the way you do in
Most of us have some determining factor within our childhood which has defined most of who we are as people.
From our genetic make-up to our views on the world, spirituality, politics and life we can trace back the triggers
to something which occurred or reoccurred in the past.
Other factors which will also play a part in the way you act are listed below. Any of these could cause
associations which carry over into your relationships:
• Communication Issues
• Self Hate
Many, if not all of these can be traced back to experiences you may have had which created a quick assessment
within your psyche’ and formulated your typical response mechanisms. For example, if you were cheated on you may
have issues with trust or betrayal.
If you suffered sexual abuse, you may have trouble with promiscuity or self hate. All of the problems stem from
something in yourself which needs to be discovered and addressed. If you continue to avoid determining why you act
the way you do in relationships, you are doing a disservice to yourself and the people who love and care for
Counseling, psychiatry, self help books or programs and
spiritual advice are potential methods to help you deal with your problems. The important thing to remember is that
everyone has issues and it is okay to acknowledge them and then begin a path of self love in order to fix them. You
will find your relationships to be much more rewarding and in alignment of your potential self.