Are YouTrying to Fix a Terminally Bad Relationship?
Many of us have been in the position of trying to fix a relationship that has gone bad. If you are working on
saving a bad relationship, you certainly aren't alone.
Although there is always a chance of saving a relationship even if you have already separated.
Even though you may have a chance of saving your relationship, at least according to most of the literature you
will find on the topic, there are some relationships that really don't need to be saved.
If your relationship has not been an ideal one from the start or it has turned bad over time, then you will need
to ask yourself a very hard question: "Do I really want to
save this relationship?"
Where do you draw the line between a relationship that you should save and one that doesn't? For starters, these
are the types of issues that you should consider seriously as being deal breakers:
* Physical abuse is almost always delivered by males. Although there may not be abuse in the beginning of the
relationship, once it has started, it tends to increase in frequency and degree. If your spouse is abusive, you are
at risk of serious injury or even death over the long term unless he gets help and it works.
If you stay with an abusive spouse, you are making a commitment to remain in a situation that has the potential
to make your life miserable.
* Verbal abuse doesn't have the same threat to your well-being as abuse that is physical but that doesn't mean
it can't be damaging. A partner who frequently yells at you and threatens you can put you into a state of
depression. You can lose your self confidence to the degree that functioning normally isn't possible.
* Substance abuse, including alcohol, is an entirely different problem from those in your relationship. There is
no way that you are going to work on your problems until the addictive behavior is dealt with.
You know that even if he goes through the motions of giving up his habit, this is not something that is easy to
do. Even if you are determined to be supportive while he is working on his addiction, don't expect things to get
* If your partner has cheated on you once, you may be
able to recover. If it is a habit and he cheats on you repeatedly, it is not likely that he is going to stop. This
will mean constant emotional pain for you as well as the physical dangers it brings with it from the possibility of
* Some people like to get their way and unless you are a complete pushover, this may not cause any
relationship problems at all. A partner that is controlling is an entirely different matter.
If your partner wants to control where you go, who you talk to, what you wear, how you wear your hair, etc. then
you have a serious problem. Unfounded jealousy and suspicion are usually signs of insecurity in your partner and it
will never be addressed as long as you give up your life and choices to do what he wants you to.
Part of fixing a broken relationship is normally determining what
you contributed to the problem, making a sincere apology to your partner, and developing a new relationship plan to
make it better.
If your relationship has gone bad for any of the reasons listed above, this same approach is not going to be
successful. Your partner has issues that must be addressed before you can even think about fixing your
relationship. This is the time to ask yourself the hard question as to whether your relationship is terminally
Guilt may cause people to stay in a terminally bad relationship because they feel they are "running out" on
their partner when they are needed most. If that is how you feel, then settle for a "temporary separation" until
your partner has agreed to counseling and has made improvements.
This will ensure that you are out of harm's way and may be the needed encouragement he needs to get the help he
So are you trying to fix a terminally bad relationship?
If you can honestly answer this question with a solid "no, my relationship CAN be fixed", then I recommend that
you take immediate action in getting your relationship back on track.
This is not an easy task, but I firmly believe - and I have the experience to back this up - that couples CAN
reunite after a tough patch, and even after a break up.
Even if you have just a tiny voice inside your head that tells you to keep fighting for your relationship and
fix a terminally bad relationship, it CAN be
To speed up the process, and most importantly, do it the RIGHT way, I highly recommend that you take a look at
Relationship Recovery. It's a tell-all guide to making sure that you and your partner nurture your relationship
back to its full.
For more on this topic, check out: