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3 Causes of Obsessive Love

We all fall in love, well at least most of us warm-blooded ‘homosapiens’. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. The problem is when it gets overboard to obsessive levels.

Obsessive love can be defined as the overwhelming feeling of attraction that a person may feel for another individual, and the person feels like the only option is to possess their object of attraction.

A person who loves obsessively will usually not accept rejection or failure. In fact, obsessive love is categorized as some form of mental illness associated with obsessive compulsive disorder.

Individuals who are afflicted with obsessive love follow for hypothetical stages: attraction stage, anxious stage, obsessive stage, and finally the destructive stage.

The first stage is categorized by instant attraction within minutes of meeting the object of attraction. A person will normally feel an urge to immediately go into a relationship regardless of whether they are compatible.

The second phase, the anxious phase, comes after some form of commitment has been made between the two individuals. However, for a person with obsessive love, they can at times move into this phase even before any commitment. The person will have the illusion of intimacy, no matter what the other person feels about them.

In the obsessive phase, there’s rapid intensification of the unhealthy tendencies of the obsessed individual which are often unhealthy too. There’s a possibility of the other person in the relationship pulling back and even ending the relationship. Basically, this phase represents a total loss of control on the part of the obsessed lover as a result of severe anxiety.

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The last stage of obsessive love is the destruction of the relationship. This is mainly due to behavior exhibited in phase three of the relationship. For many good reasons, this stage is considered the most serious as certain individuals may get suicidal thoughts.

So, now that we know how obsessive love develops, what are the real causes? These may be many and varying but these three are the core reasons why obsessive love may result:

Low moods: A person who is feeling down is more prone to falling in love obsessively because, among other things, they need someone to lift their moods and soothe their pain. Even though this love may not be obsessive at first, it can easily turn into obsessive love because such an individual will ‘fall in love’ pretty fast and this already puts them in the first phase of obsessive relational dependency.

Low self-esteem: People with low self-esteem and confidence will always look to others to constantly re-assure them so that they get a feeling of self-worth. For sure, every one of us wants to be cared about and re-assured once in a while but people with obsessive love possess this need in unhealthy amounts. The importance of self confidence in a relationship is critical.

Boring social life: A person who rarely socializes or one with few friends often has a tendency to heavily rely on their partner for filling that gap in their social life. Once again, this kind of dependency can put you on the path to obsessive love.

Fighting obsessive love is all about dealing with these core causes and when you manage to deal with them, you will be able to have healthier relationships.

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